Posted by | Madison | in Weekly Recaps

The third Sunday of the 2007 NFL season brought some surprises and solidified many of the league’s top teams. It has also has left a few pre-season favorites in a whirlwind of trouble. Teams like the Chargers and the Bears need to right their ships before they get eaten in the next few weeks by the proverbial Bermuda Triangle of the NFL’s sixteen game season.

San Diego 24, Green Bay 31: Favre ties another passing record while leading the Packers to another win. The Chargers can’t get anything going and I blame it all on Norv Turner. He’s the coach equivalent to an STD. No one wants the NT. The Redskins are barely just recovering from their NT. The Raiders are still mired in the after effects of the NT. The NT is sort of like the herpes. There is no cure, only suppression, as in you must suppress all of your urges to hire that STD as your head coach.

Buffalo 7, New England 38: The Patriots score 38 points again. Do deals with the devil count as cheating? If so, Roger Goodell should look into MachiaBelichick and Robert Kraft’s possible dealings with the Anti-Christ. The Bills can’t seem to keep any of its players healthy. Pretty soon, they’ll be holding tryouts up in Buffalo like Dick Vermeil did in Philly.

Detroit 21, Philadelphia 56: After a tumultuous week, McNabb tries his best to convince everyone that he’s a white quarterback leading the Eagles, wearing horrendous throwback uniforms, to a rout of the Lions. What’s lost in all of this is that Concussion Kitna threw for 466 yards. God must have been on his shoulder again. I’m proclaiming Jon Kitna as the new Kurt Warner 2.0.

Minnesota 10, Kansas City 13: God this game was boring. I had to watch it because Alikat is a Vikes’ fan and we were at her house. I kept making her switch over to –

San Francisco 16, Pittsburgh 37: Which sucked pretty bad too, if you’re a Niners fan. The good news is that they hung tough for three quarters. The bad news is that the Steelers had worn them out by the 4th and had their way with the Niners in the last quarter. Meanwhile, Ladies… compares the hotness of Mike Nolan and Mike Tomlin. We’re all Nolan.

Miami 28, New York Jets 31: The Miami offense shows signs of life with Trent Green throwing for over 300 and Ronnie Brown rushing for 102 but they still fall to Chad “I’m Injury Prone” Pennington and the Jets. With this win, the Jets will still have to bomb Gillette Stadium in order to win the AFC East.

St. Louis 3, Tampa Bay 24: That old adage that defense is always ahead of the offense at the beginning of the season must be wearing thin in St. Louis as they can’t seem to do much of either. The Tampa Bay defense is beginning to find its rhythm, intercepting Bulger three times, and their offensive line held its blocks well allowing Cadillac to…uh…break through.

Arizona 23, Baltimore 26: The duel of the former starting quarterbacks, now back ups who probably should be starting came down to the final play. Kurt Warner, the former football playing robot powered by Jesus juice, led the Cardinals on a wild 4th quarter comeback which was unceremoniously ended by Matt Stover’s last second field goal. Brian Billick may become the first coach to rotate his quarterbacks like some teams rotate running backs. Shut your mouth. He’s an offensive genius.

Indianapolis 30, Houston 24: The new look Texans hung tough against division rival Colts without Andre Johnson, their number one receiver, and lost Ahman Green halfway through the game. In a scary scene, Texans tackle Cedric Killings left the field on a stretcher after suffering a neck injury on a special teams play.

Cleveland 24, Oakland 26: Lane Kiffin won his first game as Raiders head coach by pulling the timeout trick he learned the hard way from Mike Shanahan the week before. Daunte Culpepper looked sharp in his first action of the season relieving an injured Luke McCown. The media will rip Culpepper up tomorrow for going 8 of 14 for 118 and no touchdowns because he’s Black.

Jacksonville 23, Denver 14: This is the sort of football that we expect from the Jaguars - a ball control offense and a defense that can control the line of scrimmage. Though We Are (Brandon) Marshall had a big game, Travis Henry couldn’t get anything going.

Cincinnati 21, Seattle 24: Seattle should be ashamed of themselves. The Derekk Anderson led Browns put up 51 points on the Bengals last week and the Seahawks with Matt Hasselbeck, Sawn Alexander, and the mind of Mike Holmgren only managed 24? Not only did the Bungles have 10 penalties, their secondary couldn’t cover me on a stop and go.

New York Giants 24, Redskins 17: Good God almighty, Tom Coughlin staves off the firing line for a week as the Giants win a game and are still tied with Philly for last place with 13 games to go! Unfortunately, this tie won’t last long with the Iggles coming into town next week in the battle for sole possession of last place which will be national night game on NBC. Though Elisha once again played like a guy with a girl’s name, the Redskins just couldn’t put the Giants away.

Carolina 27, Atlanta 20: The David Carrolina Panthers reign has begun! Who kidnapped Joey Harrington (31 of 44, 361 yards, 2 TDs) and replaced him with vintage Dan Marino?

Dallas 34, Chicago 10: Rex Grossman had better start filing out his Monster.com. The Bears just aren’t going to be able to get it done with him at QB and if they don’t make a change soon, with all the injuries on defense, they may as well say nite, nite to the season. Maybe Hexy Rexy can go to McNabb’s Black quarterback support group because he is getting it about as bad as anyone in the NFL these days. Not only does Tony Romo look great, he looks great scrambling around and making pinpoint passes. He’s dreamy.

Posted by | Madison | in Weekly Recaps

The Redskins come away with a 20-12 win in Philly over the Iggles. As a Giants fan, this is cold comfort but comfort nonetheless now that we are now tied with the Eagles for last place in the NFC East.

Thank God for small victories.

Jason Campbell looked good on a few drives showing mobility, touch, and tremendous arm strength on a deep pass to Santana Moss he overthrew by about 10 yards.

Donovan McNabb looked out of place for most of the game until the 4th quarter when The Redskins shifted to a soft prevent zone allowing McNabb to complete little passes to Brian Westbrook underneath.

In a true Monday night treat, Charles Barkley who can always be counted on to liven up a broadcast, visited the booth for the better part of the 3rd quarter dropping science like he was a chemist.

When Kornheiser asked Barkley what he wanted the 76ers front office to do to keep him in Philly, Barkley said, “That was when Shaq was coming out in the draft and I told them to go out and get Shaq. They got me Charles Shackleford.”

When Mike Tirico said that the Eagles should have won their first game, Barkley scoffed, “Yeah? And if I didn’t eat so much, I wouldn’t be so fat.”

I love the Round Mound of Rebound.

Posted by | Madison | in Weekly Recaps

The second Sunday of the 2007 NFL season has come to a close and it’s clear that all teams except the Cheatriots still have plenty of kinks to work out. It was a banner Sunday for wide receivers and a day to forget for kickers.

San Francisco 17, St. Louis 16: For the second time in less than seven days, the Niners win a nail biter by not playing well offensively. For the second time in seven days, the Rams lose by not scoring enough points.

Buffalo 3, Pittsburgh 26: Pittsburgh dominated, having control of the ball for 70% of the game. The only good news for the Bills was that Kevin Everett was able to watch the game on TV and has been able to move his legs, hips, and several fingers.

Green Bay 35, NY Giants 13: A week after Brett Favre tied Elway’s record for most career wins, he has to go and break it on the heads of my beloved Giants. Elisha Manning, who needs many more wins before even being in the same league as Favre and Elway, played okay for a guy who was born with a girl’s name. He was taken out of the game in favor of Jared Lorenzen who sprained his ankle on the Giants final drive. That’s what happens when you’re as light and balletic as he is.

Atlanta 7, Jacksonville 13: The Jaguars defense finally showed up. Their offense, as usual, was nowhere to be found. Thankfully for the fans in Jacksonville, neither was the accuracy of Matt Prater, the Falcons field goal kicker who missed two field goals.

Cincinnati 45, Cleveland 51: 96 total points in the Battle of Ohio. I was spent just watching this game. The irony is that Marvin Lewis and Romeo Crennel are such heralded defensive geniuses. If Brown is the new Black, then Derek Anderson is the new Carson Palmer.

Houston 34, Carolina 21: A week after looking like the team that everybody thought was going to go to the Super Bowl last year, the Panthers ran into the AFC South powerhouse…Houston Texans? Matt Schaub was not sacked once which leads me to believe that the Texans offensive line hated David Carr.

Indianapolis 22, Tennessee 20: The Titans give the Colts a big scare. I’m convinced that Vince Young is the Mister Mxyzptlk of the NFL. Like Mxyzptlk’s 5th Dimension, everything is backward when Young is around. When was the last time that Adam Vinatieri struggled kicking the ball? Young averts the Madden Curse for a second week.

New Orleans 14, Tampa Bay 31: It’s beginning to look like the Saints played last year on pure emotion. They need to figure things out fast before “K-Ville” becomes the new beacon of hope in the Crescent City. Jeff Garcia played like it was it Y2K all over again.

Dallas 31, Miami 20: The Dolphins unveiled their innovative back-to-back spike play at the end of the first half. Even in the copycat NFL, this play will likely not be emulated. That plus the five turnovers led to The Dolphins loss. T.O. poked fun at Video Gate in his touchdown celebration. A jab at the league for Dallas quarterbacks coach Wade Wilson?

Seattle 20, Arizona 23: The Seahawks served it up on a silver platter and The Cardinals pull a Niners style win out of their hats. The NFC West is going to be really, really close.

Minnesota 17, Detroit 20: This contest was no lady: ten combined turnovers and two missed field goals in the last 45 seconds in regulation made for an ugly whore of a game. Playoffs Kitna only has eight more games to win to make him eligible for the Psychic Friends Network.

Oakland 20, Denver 23: Mike Shanahan’s timeout trickery put Seabass on ice and sent the Raiders to a loss. I love it.

New York Jets 13, Baltimore 20: The Jets might have won if Kellen Clemens played the entire game like he played the 4th quarter. Ravens running back Willis McGahee caught his first NFL touchdown. He’s been in the league five years.

Kansas City 10, Chicago 20: Chicago’s defense and special teams make up for a non-existent offense - what’s new? Is there a law in Chicago that says the Bears can’t have any offense? Brodie Coyle went 4 for 4 for 55 yards.

San Diego 14, New England 38: Norv, I told you. You have to change your signals. But do you listen to the girl? No. You didn’t and you got your ass kicked. Not terribly surprising.

Posted by | Madison | in Weekly Recaps

What a wild end to the both Monday night games with each game coming down to the last drive.

The Bengals “defense,” which had only allowed only one offensive touchdown, “stiffened” on the one yard line on Baltimore’s final drive when Kyle Boller’s pass found, and then subsequently bounced off of Todd Heap’s chest and into the hands of a Bengal defender, in the end zone.  Why am I surrounding a defense that converted six turnovers with the writing equivalent of air quotes?  They did it against an often confused and anemic looking offense.

Speaking of anemic looking offenses, with the exception of the Niners’ final 85-yard march downfield for the winning touchdown, the 49ers and Cardinals game offered us plenty of messy,  bloodless drives to marvel at.  How fitting was it that on the day the Niners honored the life of Bill Walsh during half time and were wearing those retro-’81 uniforms, Alex Smith engineered one those patented 2-minute drives made famous by Joe Montana and 80’s Niners while looking like that scrambling fool, Steve Young of the 90’s Niners?  For those of you cheering that this is the confirmation of the Niners resurgence, just remember that in Mike Nolan’s three years as head coach, he is 3-0 on opening day.

On the announcer front, the trio of Jaws, Kornheiser, and Tirico wiped the floor with Mike, Mike and Mike.  The problem with the Trio of Mikes is that they are missing a true play-by-play guy.  Mike Greenberg should be in the Kornheiser seat as the smartass-East Coast Jew.  Golic should occupy Jaws’ seat and Mike Ditka, who makes Joe Theismann sound like Socrates, should be barred from booth.  Hopefully, we won’t have to listen to the Mikes anymore this season.         

Posted by | Alikat | in Weekly Recaps

How y’all hangin’ this Monday after Opening Day? 

I’m a little hung over.  Not from booze since I actually didn’t have any Heinekens yesterday as I was hosting a little party and had to be on my best behavior.  You don’t want to be blitzed at your first party of the year in your own house.  I’ll save those afternoons for later in the season.  No, I’m hung over from the 1-1-1 record in my picks yesterday.

We got the Steelers -4 vs Browns game right as they rolled over the Browns 34-7!  I like these Steelers as a betting friend if the spreads don’t get too crazy on them.  They have so much speed on defense and Ben is going to be in top form this year.

The Redskins -3 vs Dolpins stumbled on some offensive possessions yesterday, but did pull out a PUSH in overtime 16-13, so no money was lost other than the juice used to place the bet.  I thought they would do a better job against the Dolphins D at home, but as is mostly the case the first couple of weeks, the D is ahead of the O.  I like the makings of the Redskins D.

The disappointment of the day was the Bears +6 vs Chargers which ended up going down in flames in the 4th quarter with the Chargers winning 14-3.  The Bears dominated the Chargers high-powered offense all day, but they just can’t get any consistency on offense with Rex ‘The Hex’ Grossman at quarterback.  Along with the fumbles and lack of firepower from running backs Adrian Petersen and Cedric Benson, the Bears couldn’t even manage a single touchdown.

To recap the 1st Sunday Totals:

Steelers Pick– Won
Redskins Pick– Push
Bears Pick– Loss

So we’re 1-1-1 for the year.

Hopefully our Monday Night picks will get us into the winning zone!

Posted by | Madison | in Weekly Recaps

What a weekend of football, huh? And we still have two games tonight to look forward to. The first weekend is always a little bit weird as some team burst out of the gate and others that you don’t expect to, stumble. But it is a long season and one game out of sixteen doesn’t mean a whole lot in the grand scheme of things.

We were a bit bruised up in our picks this weekend but as I mentioned above, the first week is all about seeing what you got and not getting too caught up what any of it means in the longview. Alikat will be posting her picks recap soon. In the meantime, here’s the Hot Chicks Hot Picks patented two-minute recap of Sunday’s games.

Denver 15, Buffalo 14: The Bills surprised us with their defense but Jay Cutler was able to get the Broncos down field when it mattered to set up a last minute field goal to seal the deal.

Philly 13, Green Bay 16: Everybody’s talking about Favre tying Elway’s record for quarterback victories. That’s very nice but the story should be Philly’s two muffed punts which lead to an Packer early touchdown and the game winning field goal. The Packers won’t get breaks like that as we get deeper into the season.

Atlanta 3, Minnesota 24: The Vikings defense looked really good against the hapless Harrington Falcons. Rookie running back Adrian Peterson had a great day with that broken, bobbled screen pass which turned into a 60-yard TD catch and run being the highlight of his day.

Kansas City 3, Houston 20: I know playing KC isn’t a great yardstick but Matt Schaub, Andre Johnson, and Mario Williams all looked really good today. I know - I’m a genius for picking them to finish second in the AFC South.  First week, schmerist week.  Texans, all the way, bitches!

Pittsburgh 34, Cleveland 7: Charlie Frye was benched in favor of Derek Anderson. Yeesh. The Brady Quinn countdown is on. Roethlisberger looked comfortable in the new “open” Steelers offense. Is Steely McBeam the new offensive coordinator?

Carolina 27, St. Louis 13: It’s really impossible to tell which Panther team is going to show up. On Sunday, they looked like the team we expected last year instead of the team we are expecting this year. Delhomme looked great and they were able to push around the pushover Rams defense. Steven Jackson, the preseason favorite to win the MVP, looked downright pedestrian.

New England 38, New York Jets 14: The Patriots were who we thought they were. Bill Belichick punked the Mangenius back down to Mangina level. How classless was it for the Jets fan to boo Pennington’s injury? I don’t care how to slice it, that’s weak.

Tennessee 13, Jacksonville 10: The Titans pushed around the normally stout Jaguars run defense for 282 rushing yards. Vince Young goes 11 of 18 for 78 yards and a pick is still responsible for punching in the winning touchdown in the third quarter. Young manages to elude the Madden Cover Curse after one game.

Detroit 36, Oakland 21: I’m actually quite surprised that the Lions were able to put up 36 points on the Raiders’ pass defense. You know what this means - LIONS, PLAYOFFS, BABY! Josh McCown actually had a decent game despite turning the ball over three times. Sebastian Janikowski missed three field goals but hey, he can dance!

Tampa Bay 6, Seattle 20: Tampa’s lack of any real running game really hurt them in this game. Cadillac Williams may need to change his name to Gremlin after the hit that knocked him out of the game. Jeff Garcia was roughed up which led to Luke McCown coming in and not doing much of anything. The healthy Seahawks looked good as they trampled the Bucs.

Chicago 3, San Diego 14: The Bears have some issues on offense. Unsexy Rexy just cannot get it done back there without a consistent running game. I’m almost 100% certain that Cedric Benson is not the answer. They’re going to have to find one fast because their defense can’t shut everybody out week in and week out.

New York Giants 35, Dallas 45: Though they were able to put up 35 points (which surprised the hell out of me), The Giants should switch to a modified hurry up offense. It just seems like they click a lot better when they speed it up. They should also hire a new training staff because their current one obviously can’t keep anyone healthy. Oh, they also need a better coach so that they stop making stupid, mental mistakes. Is it just me or does Tony Romo kind of throw like Vince Young?  Considering his numbers tonight, I guess it doesn’t matter if he did.

Posted by | Madison | in Weekly Recaps

Here are a few things we learned from the Colts 41-10 drubbing of the Saints:

• The Saints were killed by not making any adjustments in the game plan. Granted, it was hard to tell what their game plan was considering they only really moved on one or two drives but it seemed like they were trying to rely a little too much on finesse rather than power. As Alikat said, as she licked her wounds from losing her first bet of the 2007 season, “They just seemed like a car that kept slipping out of gear.”

• After a slow start, the Colts made a bunch of adjustments and put up 31 points in the second half. Since the Saints weren’t giving up anything deep, they got on Addai’s back and shredded the Saints where they were weak - up the middle. You’ve seen this before - the Sains put more guys up front to stop the run, Peyton Manning kills them deep - simple, yet brutally effective football.

• The Colts offense was what we thought they were but their defense is certainly not suffering any Super Bowl hangover. According to this article in the Indy Star, the D is happy but not satisfied.

• Was NBC’s switch from Pink to Faith Hill for the opening “I’ve Been Waiting All Week for Sunday Night” song a marketing choice? Pink is polarizing; Faith Hill is boring? Pink doesn’t play well in middle America; Faith Hill IS middle America? I wasn’t a big fan of Pink singing the intro but I’m not sure if I can stand a full season of Faith Hill’s odd, uncomfortable, cinched waist performances.