Because I’ve received a few e-mails to this effect I figured I’d clear up any misconceptions and simply say that no, the three of us are not dead, it’s just that time of the month:
Christmas Shopping. Why? What’d you think I meant, perv?
No, actually, all joking aside, I have something to confess. While the official line is that Ali is still in Hawaii and Maddy is in Wis-Kahn-Sin, the real story is far more sordid. I say this because I think we’ve become close over these few months, and I hope that maybe in discussing it, I can help some of you or someone that you know or love. You see, the two have gotten sucked into a new underground form of street fighting that’s becoming more and more popular in Los Angeles. It started as a gang initation ritual a couple years back amongst the Bloods but has now taken on a life of it’s own amongst the apathetic working class. Perhaps you’ve heard of it: Boob Slapping. In fact, I don’t mean to out the two but Maddy is going by “Spanish Barbie” and Ali is using the alias “Bella” and as you’ll see from this video, their first face-off was pretty scary. I must warn you, though, the footage is graphic so if you have kids in the room you might want to tell them to leave before viewing it.
Provided you’re not too traumatized from watching that, I have to say that while my two co-bloggers may have gotten sucked into this sick sick world of violence and pervserion, I have not. In fact, I’m working hard to inform people about the dangers of Boob Slapping, and it’s sad off-shoot that high schoolers are now partipciating in: Backyard Boob Slapping.
Call me “square” if you like but I believe things like this are what’s ruining our country. Now, I know, Boob Slapping is an issue too raw and real for even most of the Presidential candidates to address (did you see Mitt Romney duck that reporter’s question about Mormon Boob Slapping? that’s gonna cost him in Iowa!). That’s why I’m going door to door in support of Mike Gravel’s campaign, as he’s the only candidate with the GUTS to even discuss this issue. In fact, if you go to his web site you can read his position on the issue, right after his thoughts on Iraq, Immigration, and Those Damn Kids With Their Loud Music And Colored Hair. In fact, if you were to ask me what I want for Christmas, I’d tell you that all I really want is to have my girls back.











