Posted by | Madison | in News

The Patriots are suspected of stealing defensive signs from the Jets on Sunday by using a sideline cameraman shooting video of the opposing team.  The NFL has confiscated the cameraman’s tape and it is under further review by the league. 

It bears noting that this not the first time the Patriots have been accused of such underhanded behavior.  Last season, in a game against the Packers, the same employee was escorted off the field by Packers security who had gotten a tip that the Patriots “did this sort of thing” (i.e. cheat). 

With Rodney Harrison suspended on HGH, it’s looking like Bob Kraft’s class orfganization is inching slowly towards Al Davis’ Raider territory as Bill Belichick’s genius is beginning to look more like an insatitable need to win… 

At.  All.  Costs. 

If the Patriots are proven to be cheaters, it’ll be interesting to see if Roger “Better Be” Goodel”se I’ll suspend your ass” brings down the hammer on Belichick or Kraft.  Can you imagine Belichick being suspended for a year?  Maybe all you New England fans shouldn’t be raising your replica Lombardi Trophies just yet.        

Posted by | Madison | in News

• Tiki Barber claims he retired because of Tom Coughlin.  He says that Coughlin, a renowned hard ass, drove the passion for the game out of him.  I say Eli Manning’s comical leadership is not driving the offense and killing our passion for the Giants.  What a mess.  Why Coughlin is still head coach of my beloved Giants after he has obviously lost control of the team is beyond me.  I wish Coughlin was made in China so that we could recall his ass.  Come back to the five-an’dime, Billy P! 

• Texans cornerback Dunta Robinson was tied up and robbed this weekend at his home.  His robbers were apparently wearing Los Angeles Dodgers caps.  They are still on the loose.  Can something please go right for the Texans?  Just for the hell of it?

• Bug-eyed Reche Caldwell was cut from the Patriots.  There goes my super elegant theory that he would play safety in place of the suspended Rodney Harrison.  In related Patriots news, Richard Seymour was placed on the PUP list which makes him ineligible for six games.  This paired with the Harrison suspension and suddenly having to call on JET Moynahan to D-up doesn’t seem so far fetched.

• The Broncos added defensive end Simeon Rice to bolster their line.  Word on the street that Rice’s release had more to do with money than with how he was recovering from his shoulder injury.  This could be quite a boon for the Broncos. 

Posted by | Madison | in News

Though college football is not in the purview of our blog, as football fans we would be remiss if we didn’t mention Division I-AA powerhouse Appalachian State University Mountaineers’ stunning 34-32 victory over formerly number five ranked Michigan State, who had visions of a national championship, this past weekend.

In a bit of cosmic convergence, you’ll note that ASU’s most infamous incoming co-ed is none other than Lauren Caitlin Upland, Miss Teen South Carolina, herself. Not only did the ASU Moutaineers have a map to Ann Arbor, they had maps to Upset Town, U.S. America.

For some historical perspective on the Moutaineers’ upset victory, click here.

To solve the mysteries of exactly how the Mountaineers won that game and why Miss Teen South Carolina chose to continue her education at such a fine institution, please…please…please click play on the video. It may be the hottest thing ever to be posted to this blog and most certainly hotter than C.J., AliKat or me.

So for those of you still poking fun at that poor girl, you now know that she was just “speaking the language of a brave new year.”

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Posted by | Madison | in News

• Rodney Harrison admitted to using HGH and will be suspended for four games.  The Patriots secondary will not suffer as Bill Belichick is considering rotating Adalius Thomas (he can play anywhere),  Reche Caldwell (he’ll see every damn thing coming his way), and J.E.T. Moynahan (football Jesus) in Harrison’s absence.  Rookie safety Brandon Meriwether will be used to change J.E.T.’s diapers.

• Bringing New York’s collective nightmare to an end, Michael Strahan ended his holdout.  Though the Giants defensive unit becomes a tad bit stronger, they will still be under .500, thus continuing our collective nightmare.

• Jack del Rio has finally had it with Byron Leftwich and has designated David Garrard as the Jaguars starter. The Jaguars, who do not have a direct line to J.E.T. Moynahan, may be going after former Jaguar quarterback Mark “Wily Veteran” Brunell.  Don’t feel that bad for Leftwich.  If he can’t find a job on an NFL team next year, he certainly has a bright future ahead of him as Keenan Thompson’s stunt double on Saturday Night Live or Fat Albert 2.

Posted by | Madison | in News

In what can only be described as Arthur Blank and company saying to Michael Vick, “Bitch, you betta give me my money…don’t make me choke a bitch,” the Atlanta Falcons have pimp slapped Vick with a formal letter demanding $20 million of the $37 million in bonuses that they’ve paid him over the last three years.

Posted by | Madison | in News

AP reports that Tom Brady’s son has been named John Edward Thomas by mother Bridget Moynahan. As AP observes, the baby boy’s initials are J-E-T, insinuating that this may be a jab at her ex-beau now dating Gisele Bundchen.

I’ll be first to say out loud that it is true that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I wouldn’t put it past her, nor do I blame her for doing such a thing, however, if Bridge did intentionally mean for the naming of her first born to eternally stab Tom in the heart, reminding him of his hated division rival - so that he couldn’t even look at him, hold him, kiss him, damning J.E.T. to a life of serial killing - she could have added another name at the end. The poor boy’s already got three first names. What’s another one?

Stephen
Silas
Silky

Hopefully, Tom will name our first born something insanely cool like, Tim Sasha Oliver Aston Frederick or T.S.O.A.F which of course will stand for The Sum of All Fears, the film where Bridge had her star making turn opposite Ben Affleck as Dr. Cathy Muller.

Posted by | Madison | in News, Jail Reports

* Michael Vick entered his plea and apologized for his actions.  A few thoughts: even in his apology he referred to himself in the third person, three times! 

That’s so gangsta. 

That’s like me going in for something terribly humiliating, such as a Brazillian, and telling Olga, “I’m asking you to help me move forward and make Madison Gainsbourg a better looking person.” 

Also, doesn’t this sound like one of Vick’s post-game press conferences?

I’m totally responsible, and those things just didn’t have to happen. I feel like we all make mistakes. It’s just I made a mistake in using bad judgment and making bad decisions. And you know, those things, you know, just can’t happen.

* Lance Briggs’ $345,000 Lamborghini was found smashed up on Chicago’s North side.   He apparently left the scene and decided not to report the crash to police.  These were, of course, “mistakes” and “bad decisions” as he now faces misdemeanor charges.  I’m waiting for the Goodell to drop the suspension hammer on Briggs’ head…

* David Boston was arrested for failing a field sobriety test, NOT a breathalyzer.  He was found slumped over in his SUV with the engine and he claimed football injuries for his inability to complete the field sobriety tests.  Here’s the video.