Posted by | Madison | in Announcements, News, Random Posts of Randomness

I can’t stop thinking about Terrell Owens doing a Chris Crocker “Leave Donovan Alone” parody.  Imagine it:

(FADE IN:)

T.O. stands in front of a sheet.  The yellow lighting makes him look jaundiced.  A seething anger has been building behind usually playful eyes.  He is crying.

OWENS:  How friggin’ dare anyone out there make fun of Donovan after all he has been through?  He lost his ACL, he hurt his chest two years ago…he THREW UP IN THE SUPER BOWL!  His coach turned out to be a loser, whose kids have drinking problems, and McNabb doesn’t even have hardly any wide receivers!  All you people care about is…making money off of him.  HE’S A HUMAN!  (Quickly decompensating)  What you don’t realize is that Donovan is making you all this money and all you do is write a bunch of crap about him.  He hasn’t won a game in ten months!  He says Black quarterbacks get more criticism for a reason because all you people want is MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE.  (Raving) LEAVE HIM ALONE!  You are lucky he even plays for you BASTARDS!  LEEEAVE DONOVAN ALLLLLONE!…Please…he’s just having a hard time right now…leave Donovan McNabb alone.  Right now.  I mean it.  Anyone that has a problem with him, you deal with me beacuse he is not well right now.  Leave him alone!

And scene.

It would be the funniest damn thing ever, surely funnier than the legion of “Leave Britney Alone” parodies already out there. 

That’s it.  I’m officially removing our $20 contribution to Kissing Suzy Kolber’s Tom Brady bounty and offering it to T.O. for this “Leave Donovan Alone” parody. 

Please, T.O., do it.  You gotta have a webcam and internet access.  What the hell else are you doing?  You don’t even go to practice…or film study…

Do it for Donovan. 

Do it for yourself. 

Do it for humanity. 
 

Posted by | Madison | in News

• The Cowboys sign Tank Johnson and his armory to a two-year deal.  If the Cowboys can win games without Tank and his gatts, just imagine how dangerous they’ll be when he gets there and starts threatening fools.  The Cowboys have just become my new Super Bowl pick.  MachiaBelichick can spy all he wants but when someone yells, “Break yo’self!” and bullets start flying, any knowledge of defensive signals becomes moot.  Is Barry Switzer still coaching in Dallas?

In another attempt by The Man to keep Black quarterbacks down the Atlanta Falcons signed Byron Leftwich to a two year deal.  The Falcons aren’t worried about Joey Harrington or Chris Redman, their White quarterbacks, at all.  They signed Leftwich just so they could dump him at third on the depth chart and humiliate him.  You know who loses in this deal?  Keenan Thompson.  He’s going to have to find a new stunt double.  

Posted by | Madison | in News

 In an interview with HBO’s Real Sports to air tonight, Donovan McNabb says that Black quarterbacks face more criticism in the NFL than White quarterbacks.

After handling the T.O. drama and the Rush Limbaugh fiasco with such grace, it’s surprising that McNabb would drop such a bomb.

Nobody is arguing that there is a paucity of Black starting quarterbacks in the league.  There are currently six: McNabb, Steve McNair, Vince Young, David Garrard (who replaced Byron Leftwich), Jason Campbell, and Tarvaris Jackson.

However, they face a lot of scrutiny because they’re not very good, not because they’re Black.  McNabb is probably the best of the lot and the reason he’s facing so much scrutiny this season is that he’s nine months out of ACL surgery, he looks skittish, he has no wide receivers, a coach who won’t help him by running, and has always been thought of as being overrated.  You add all that up and you get ”not good” not “not white.”

Simply changing the skin color of any of those six men doesn’t magically make them as good as Peyton Manning or Carson Palmer.  It would however, make Vince Young Uncle Rico from Napolean Dynamite and that would be pretty cool. 

Hell, in Oakland, they’re clamoring for one of two Black quarterbacks to replace their very mediocre white starting QB.  And until recently, Michael Vick, a very mediocre quarterback who is also Black, was the face of the NFL, and despite his play on the field, he seemed impervious to scrutiny.           

There are certainly race inequality issues in the NFL especially in the front office and with Black quarterbacks, a point that McNabb makes and one that is also finely illustrated by Willie Beamen in the underrated classic Any Given Sunday but to say that McNabb, McNair, Young, Garrard, Campbell and Jackson get it more because they are Black makes it seem like Damon Huard is living on easy street in Kansas City with no fear of job security. 

It should also be noted that the stuff that Byron Leftwich has had to deal with - that scouts and fans immediately assume that he should be mobile just because he’s Black - is particularly insidious.

What McNabb should have said is, “Quarterbacks face more scrutiny than any other position in the game and those of us who are a bit older and coming off of a career threatening injury get it the worst.  And after some progress, there are still not enough Black quarterbacks, coaches, owners and general managers in the league.” 

Posted by | Madison | in News

My initial response to Roger Goodell’s lenient “punishment” for VideoGate was that it was a race thing.  All the players who have received suspensions have been black and Goodell must have been blinded by Belichick’s whiteness that he couldn’t suspend him.

Yeah, I went there.

But I was wrong since Goodell has already suspended Wade Wilson, a white coach.  But when you look at Wilson’s suspension, it just further calls to light how easy MachiaBelichick got off.

Wilson, who is diabetic, purchased what is believed to be HGH, not to distribute but for his own personal benefit as HGH helps regulate blood sugar.  His punishment was a five game suspension and a $100,000 fine.

MachiaBelichick, lucky enough to coach one of the best team in the NFL, still felt it was necessary to break the rules and resort to video chicanery to gain some sort of competitive advantage.  He was fined $500,000, the team was fined $250,000 and they have to forfeit draft picks depending on how they do this year.

Wilson is obviously wondering why Belichick got off so easily.  And he’s got a point - let’s take a look at how inconsistent the punishments are:

Wilson has been suspended for five games and fined 33% of his 2007 salary.

Belichick was not suspended and fined 11% of his 2007 salary.

I know you Patriot fans are saying, “But what about the other fine?  What about the draft picks?”

Please…

As I already said, having the Patriots forfeit draft picks doesn’t actually hurt them that much since they have two picks in the first round.

And I know $500,000 is a lot of money but losing $500,000 when you’re making $4.5 million is a lot easier to handle than losing $100,000 when you’re making $300,000.

Why the disparity?  I don’t know why but in this moment, I am reminded of Kanye West: Roger Goodell doesn’t care about diabetics.

Posted by | Madison | in News

Commissioner Roger Goodell dropped the hammer slapped MachiaBelichick and the Patriots’ on the wrist for VideoGate by fining Belichick and the Patriots $750,000 and having them forfeit their first round draft pick, if they make the playoffs, or their second and third round pick if they don’t.

Now, I’m not saying that you have to take away their Super Bowl Championships or make them ineligible for the playoffs but this punishment that Goodell has meted is not harsh enough.

If they make the playoffs and they lose their first round pick, they will still have the 49ers first round pick from the Joe Staley trade. Unless the 49ers shock the world and win the Super Bowl, this will likely be a mid-round first day pick, which puts the Pats in line to select an impact player.

The punishment should have at least taken away both their first round selections and a second if they make the playoffs or one of their first rounders and their second and third if they don’t.

A little suggestion to all of the teams that the Pats are going to be playing, and I’m talking to you, Norv: if you haven’t already, you better change your signals. You have to know that MachiaBelichick has volumes of “advanced scouting” on how you call your plays. Now that the Enigma is broken, how will you use it to your advantage? My bet is that MachiaBelichick doesn’t respect anyone so he’s not going to think that a coach is going to take the time to change his signals. You may be able to use this to your advantage.

Meanwhile, Kige Ramsey must be pissed with Goodell’s decision.

Suspend MachiaBelichick for eight games, drafts picks and forfeiture of two games? Dang, when Kige drops the hammer, it’s a sledgehammer.

Posted by | Madison | in News

Roger [Better be] Goodell[else I’ll supsend your ass] has determined that the Patriots violated league rules when one of their employees videotaped the Jets defensive sideline this past Sunday at the Meadowlands. 

In a press conference, Machiavellichick (see poll below) pulled a Jason Giambi and apologized to Goodell and “everyone who has been affected” without saying exactly what it he was apologizing for.  The only thing that came to light was that Machiavellichick apparently had an unusual interpretation of the rules. 

Can you imagine that conversation?

RG: Bill, you can’t videotape opposing coaches.  That’s against the rules. 

BB: I didn’t videotape anybody. 

RG: A member of your staff did.

BB: Suspend him.

RG: He said you told him to.

BB: I tell him a lot of things.  Last year, I told him to buy me a suit, I like the way that Nolan and del Rio look on the sideline, but did he?  No and I’m still in this ratty hoody.  I want to like the way I look but I can’t get to Men’s Wearhouse, Roj.  I gotta gameplan.

RG: Bill, the game operations manual states that “no video recording devices of any kind are permitted to be in use in the coaches’ booth, on the field, or in the locker room during the game” and “all video shooting locations must be enclosed on all sides with a roof overhead.” 

BB: I guess it depends on what you call a “shooting location.”  I understand that to be a camera.  The inside of it.  It’s where the shooting takes place.  And the innards of the camera are enclosed on all sides with a roof of sorts overhead.  I see that you are going with a more “traditional” definition of “shooting location.”

RG: Bill, we can differ on the semantics –

BB: I went to Wesleyan, Rog, so don’t fuck with me.  I can throw around big words too.

RG: — but the –

BB: Stochastic –

RG: — taping of –

BB: Obloquy –

RG: — any signals –

BB: Bagatelle –

RG: — is prohibited.

BB: OHNOYOUDIDN’T!

RG: What?

BB: I can’t hear you.  I’ve plugged my ears.

Goodell is dropping the hammer on Friday.  Folks are reporting that he might be docking the Patriots multiple draft picks over multiple years.  Was it Thomas Jefferson or Roger Goodell who said that ”The tree of the NFL  must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of Patriots and tyrants”? 

Anyway, we can’t decide what Bill Belichick’s new nickname should be.  I like Machiavellichick as it rolls off the tongue but MachiaBelichick actually incorporates his last name.  And since this is SignalGate, we could simply call him Tricky Bill.  So, we’re gonna put it to you. 

Posted by | Madison | in News

Though ESPN and others had reported that The Oakland Raiders finally signed their number # 1 draft pick JaMarcus Russell, the San Francisco Chronicle, the across the bay hometown paper, reports that while the two sides are very close, it’s still not a done deal.

With a contract on the table that is rumored to be worth $60 million with a little more than half of it guaranteed, it’s beginning to look like Russell won’t sit out the entire year and re-enter the draft next April. Dang it. That would have been cool.

The good news: the Raiders won’t have to endure any more second guessing of picking Russell with the first pick…for a few weeks at least.

The bad news: the Raiders will have just signed the most expensive third string quarterback in the history of the league. If Culpepper, a former Pro Bowler, had a hard time learning the playbook, just wait for Russell to take his shot.

*UPDATED

The deal is done.