Jan

A Tale Of Two Mannings

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If I wrote “Manning leads his team to the Championship Game,” you’d immediately assume that I was talking about Peyton and that’s why when you make assumptions, you make an ass out of u and mption.

Eli and Big Blue have made it to the NFC Championship game! Since I’m still partying it up like a co-ed on Spring Break looking for a Joe Francis camera crew to flash, this is going to be quick.

Seattle 20, Packers 42: Hey Seahawks fans, I guess it’s time to start packing up your lockers while singing your intro music, huh? I mean, jeez, you get spotted 14-points in the first 5 minutes and then only manage another 6 in the remaining 55 minutes? Bittersweet indeed. Get to stepping…or flying or whatever the hell it is you guys do and if you want to win anything of merit, change your goddamn theme song.

Jacksonville 20, New England 31: Yeah, yeah, the Patriots won by wearing down the Jaguars in the second half. I get it. They’re good. But they’re really in for it now because next week, they have to face…

San Diego 28, Indianapolis 24: The Bolts?! Holy fuck. This just goes to show that resting your starters at the end of the season only serves to hurt you, not to help you. The Colts, as per usual, rested Manning and company in the last game of the season. In their first playoff game, they were sloppy and undisciplined against a San Diego team that was not only handicapped by the Norv Turner Disease, but also lost LaDainian Tomlinson and Philip Rivers to injuries. I don’t know if it was simply that the Bolts wanted it more but the Colts just weren’t (playing Craphonso Thorpe) in rhythm while…

Giants 21, Cowboys 17: The Giants played all their starters - and played hard - in their last, “meaningless” game against the Patriots, and now, like I predicted, they have momentum and have parlayed it into a compelling playoff run. Eli is proving more patient than I gave him credit for. Not only did he stay at second base, he made sure that his time there was well spent, fondling my boobies for three hours and sending Big Blue into the NFC Championship game! Talk about foreplay.

After the game, during the post-game interview, I was praying that he would look into the camera and say, “Eat this, Peyton, I got your ticket to Lambeau for next week but you’re on your own for the airfare asshole!”