So, what does it take for all of Texas to finally wake up and collectivly hate Jessica Simpson? Her vapid retardation becoming the personifcation of the modern Texan and in turn making her home state and everyone in it look like a redneck cretin? No, they’re cool with that. Her creepy preacher-manager dad and his lascivious fixation on her and her breasts? No, no problems there. Her awful movies which are no more than thinly veiled remakes of awful 80’s “classics” such as The Dukes of Hazzard, 9 To 5 and Private Benjamin? Nope, that doesn’t bother anyone either. Instead, it’s the all-but-certain jinx her apparently magical vagina has placed on the Dallas Cowboys. That’s right. We’ve found something Texans hate more than trying to prevent cervical cancer in women, and it’s losing football games!
The usually reserved Terrell Owens had this to say…
“Right now, Jessica Simpson is not a fan favorite in this locker room or in Texas Stadium.”
Oh, DIS! In fact it’s gotten so bad, BoDog is placing odds on how long the relationship will last. For the record, It’s 2-1 it’ll last six months, and 6-1 they’ll be done within a month (and if Ali would tear herself away from Underground Boob Slapping Contests, we could have her weigh in on the odds). I’m no expert on love, but between a Professional Quarterback and a Famous Singer-Actress, I don’t see how anything could come between them. And if BoDog’s oddsmaking doesn’t top it all, there’s also a new web site entitled Ruin Romo Dot Com that has gone up to help opposing teams use the Jessica Jinx on Romo throughout the rest of the season.
So there you have it. Texas has finally come around (for the moment) on Jessica Simpson*. Now if only we could figure out a way to travel back in time, and get George Bush to hook up with Troy Aikman, and cause the Dallas Cowboys to go on some abysmal losing streak, we’ll save America!
*This of course, is only temporary as a killer rack, blonde hair and nice legs will be forgiven for all atrocities no matter how damning they may be. Just ask me, bitches!
Super Chauvanist Update: Yahoo! News has a report today Wondering If Women And Sports “Mix” which sites the experiences of fictional athletes. Enjoy!
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