Oct

Week Eight Recap: We’re halfway through

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It was another week of slop in the NFL with really only one good game: Tampa Bay vs. Jacksonville, or as I like to say in my newscastetrix voice, “The 66% Battle of Florida.” As I was saying to Alikat while we slogged through the day’s games, this is really the doldrums of the NFL season.

It seems like the games around this point of the season fall into one of two categories:

The good teams mopping up the shitty teams
The shitty teams trying to see who wants to lose less

Meanwhile, the teams that are on the rise, those teams that were losing early in the season and are trying to salvage their season, are obviously the most interesting to watch but since they have possibly righted their ships, they are suddenly beating up on shitty/mediocre teams, thus putting them in category number one, above.

At least we drank good beer and had yummy Thai food delivered. There’s no match like Thai food and football. In fact, they go together better than American football in England.

New York Giants 13, Miami 10: This is the sort of shit that scares me about the Giants. Everybody’s talking about how they’re an offensive powerhouse this season. 13 points. Not 13 points against the Pats, mind you. 13 points against the Dolphins. Maybe they left their scoring mojo in New York. Also, this turned out to be one big coup for the NFL’s overseas marketing department, don’t you think? I mean obviously, the best way to sell American football to the English is to convince them that it’s as boring as soccer.

Pittsburgh 24, Cincinnati 13: The Steelers beat the Bengals again in Cincinnati. I may not be the first one to say this but Mike Tomlin is the new Marvin Lewis. The only question that remains in Cincy is whether or not the Bengals ownership is coldhearted enough to fire a dude on crutches.

Detroit 16, Chicago 7: Maybe I overestimated how much Brian Griese could elevate that moribund Bears offense. I don’t want to alarm anyone but Jon Kitna is 5 wins away from achieving Psychic Friends Network status. It will be a tough road to walk - 5 of their last 9 opponents are playoff teams - but Kitna has Jesus walking with him, so he shall not want or be scared.

Indianapolis 31, Carolina 7: Vinnie Testaverde was “shaken up” in the first half. Of course he was; he’s a 44-year old in the NFL. I’m surprised he wasn’t “broken in half.” Peyton Manning is the first quarterback in NFL history to beat the 31 other teams in the league.

Cleveland 27, St. Louis 20: The Rams scored some points. This should be considered a victory for them. The Derek Anderson led Browns, or the Pop Warner Patriots as I like to call them, is suddenly 4-3 and looking to make some “noise” in the AFC North.

Oakland 9, Tennessee 13: LenDale “I Did Haz Cheezburgerz” White had a big day putting up 133 yards. Uncle Rico must have channeled the spirit of Tarvaris Jackson with his 6 of 14, 42 yard day. Ugh…

Philadelphia 23, Minnesota 16: The match up of master vs. apprentice was actually a bit closer than the final score suggests as the Vikings wasted a few really great opportunities to pull off an upset against the Eagles. On the Vikes’ first drive into the end zone, they looked like a real, pro NFL football team. They even recovered a fumble on the ensuing kick off before reverting back to the Vikings.

Jacksonville 24, Tampa Bay 23: The game of the week! Alikat and I ended up watching this game in the afternoon just because all the other games were so damn boring. We decided that if Brett Favre and Jeff Garcia were to have a baby, that baby would be Tony Romo. Also, we’re convinced that the Jags actually meant to release Quinn Gray but because he and Byron Leftwich look so much alike, someone in the front office processed the wrong papers and when they found out, they couldn’t rescind the release orders thus, Leftwich was unceremoniously booted from the team.

Houston 10, San Diego 35: Governor Schwarzenegger was there cheering the Chargers on in what has been a tumultuous week for the folks in San Diego. He yelled, “GOAH, CHYAWGAS!” If I had the Terminator telling me to do something to inspire the people of San Diego, I’d do it. If you need to know, it’s the reason why I write on this blog and for once am not mentioning the suppression of the NTD in reference to a Chargers win…oh shit, I just did it, didn’t it?

Buffalo 13, Jets 3: My mom always taught me that if I have nothing nice to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all.

New Orleans 31, San Francisco 10: It’s still impossible to tell if the Saints have righted their ship. What is certain, however is that Reggie Bush, absolutely, positively abhors contact. He’s what I would like to call a football dilettante. Also, Mike Nolan is very serious about his suits.

Washington 7, New England 52: You would think that after the Cheatriots’ Videogate scandal early in the year, the Pats would be working overtime to repair their image and restore some sense of sportsmanship to their organization. But no. Instead, they act like the fat kid in school who gets pissed because the school nurse yelled at him for being a fat ass and is now going to sit on all the little kids during recess to prove that being fat is cool. You stay classy, Patriots. At least there’s one record that Brady won’t get this season; he’s only the second quarterback to beat all the other 31 teams. Watch out Colts, he’s probably pissed about that and will try to take it out on you next week in (cue hot newscaster voice): THE GAME OF THE CENTURY!! Seriously, for the love of the game, will somebody (read: Colts) stop these fuckers?