Posted by | Madison | in Weekly Recaps

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As Alikat said, this was one of those wonky, murky weeks where the only thing that  is certain is that stuff happened.  With a St. Louis, New Orleans, Chicago, and San Diego looking at do-or-die games, only Chicago and San Diego came away with victories.  For San Diego, it means that they’ve put themselves in the driver’s seat to win the AFC West as stupid as that sounds.   As for the Bears, I’m not convinced that their win over the Packers changes their grim prognosis.

Cleveland 17, Patriots 34:  What a fucking bore.  Tom Brady continues on his blistering pace for a million touchdowns as the Patriots score 34 points for the second week in a row.  So far, they’ve score 38 for three games and 34 for the last two.  They are obviously getting weaker.  I suggest the Cowboys go for 40 next week.  It’s the only way to be sure.

Jacksonville 17, Kansas City 7: It looks like the Chiefs left it all on the field…last week against the Chargers.  Larry Johnson had 12 yards.  Hard knocks indeed.

Miami 19, Houston 22: Speaking of hard knocks, Trent Green gets knocked out trying to block Travis Johnson and then has to suffer the humiliation of Johnson taunting him while he was KO’d.  The clock on Green’s career just took a few more ticks toward midnight.  Dolphins back up QB Miss Cleo [Lemon] didn’t prognosticate Kris Brown’s game ending 54-yard field goal to seal the game for the Texans.

Arizona 34, St. Louis 31: Matt Leinart wanted his team to “ride or die” with him.  Now he’s out for the next nine weeks with a broken collarbone.  I guess the team’s going to have to “ride or die” with Kurt Warner, God’s O.G. NFL warrior.  The good news is that Leinart now has the next two months to drink as much sauvigion blanc as he wants which is great for us because he’s hilarious when he’s drunk.  How many more losses before Scott Linehan gets fired?

Detroit 3, Washington 34: Speaking of God, the Redskins won God’s Battle on the Gridiron.  God must really hate Jon Kitna to have given Joe Gibbs’ such a big margin of victory.  He must have masturbated too much this past week.

Atlanta 13, Tennessee 20: After a week as a busted Dan Marino at the ball, the clock struck midnight for Joey Harrington who took the field this week as, well, himself.  It was so bad that Bobby Petrino gave the reins to Byron Leftwich, who played about as well as the mediocre white quarterback he replaced.  Uncle Rico had another ugly stat line but racks up another win.  I swear some of his passes came submariner, a la Dan Quisenberry.

Seattle 0, Pittsburgh 21: In a rematch of Super Bowl XtraLarge, the banged up Steelers took it to the Seahawks and put all the questions about the legitimacy of their win to rest.  And thank fucking god.  I’m so sick and tired of Seattle fans crying about how the refs jobbed them out of a championship.

Jets 24, Giants 35:  The suck of this win is that Tom Coughlin staves of the firing line for another few weeks.  Oh well, at least The Giants are putting some distance in the race for last place between them and the Iggles.  The race for second in the AFC East is sort of like the race for first in the AFC West; all the teams want it but none of them seem to have the talent to take it.

Carolina 16, New Orleans 13:  The Saints were 10 and 6 last season and won the division.  They could do the same thing this year.  They just have to win the next 10 of 11.  Okay, I’m just messing around.  John Kasay’s last minute field goal pretty much drove a stake in the Saints’ season.

Tampa Bay 14, Indianapolis 33: Peyton Manning and the second string took it to Jeff Garcia and the Bucs.  The Colts bore me.

Baltimore 9, San Francisco 7: Now talk about excitement…this grudge match between Billick and Dilfer was a fucking barrel of monkeys!  Before the game started, Alikat asked me what I thought about this game and I said, “Ravens 10, Niners 7.”

San Diego 41, Denver 3: So the Charges finally filled their prescription of Valtrex.  Yeay.  But as we’ve learned from the commercials, there is no cure for coaching herpes and you can still transmit it even if you don’t show symptoms.

Chicago 27, Green Bay 20: The Bears didn’t win this one; the Packers just gave it away.  Deanna looked super cute in her pink Favre jersey.  This is a good illustration of why the female targeted jerseys confuse us so much.  We don’t want to like to them because we know better and we know that greedy men in New York have spent millions of dollars in research to understand and leverage the weaknesses in our consumer psyche in order to market and sell girly NFL gear to us.  But, as I mentioned before, fact is fact, the Reebok women’s NFL gear have great silhouettes and we look so damn cute in them.

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4 Comments

1.

Comment by Blake on 2007-10-08

You are right about God hating John Kitna. I have it on good authority that God knows Kitna tried to make a deal with the Devil in order to get those 10 wins he promised. Just to screw him over, God made Matt Millen into the Devil and Kitna couldn’t see it cuz God filled his eyes with gunk and money. Now, He is just toying with him by hitting him on the head, then clearing him up to play well. Basically, just lifting him up high enough to smash him down again. This is going to be a fun Lions season to watch.

2.

Comment by Hot Chicks Hot Picks Sports Betting Blog on 2008-01-29

[…] 1. Tom Coughlin Saved His Job With a Shitty Win […]

3.

Comment by Valentina on 2014-11-21

i sometimes woednr the same thing.. about why so many european people seem, well, CHIC.and about my MCR t shirt, i wanted to get one kinda tight fitting, not like my usual baggy shirts, so i can wear it with super fashiony high waisted stuff and skirts and confuse the SHIT outta people. wouldn’t that be funny?and also, i know everyone hates me for loving me, but i really don’t care. that’s one of the cool things about me. i just DON’T CARE. xD

4.

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