I can’t stop thinking about Terrell Owens doing a Chris Crocker “Leave Donovan Alone” parody. Imagine it:
(FADE IN:)
T.O. stands in front of a sheet. The yellow lighting makes him look jaundiced. A seething anger has been building behind usually playful eyes. He is crying.
OWENS: How friggin’ dare anyone out there make fun of Donovan after all he has been through? He lost his ACL, he hurt his chest two years ago…he THREW UP IN THE SUPER BOWL! His coach turned out to be a loser, whose kids have drinking problems, and McNabb doesn’t even have hardly any wide receivers! All you people care about is…making money off of him. HE’S A HUMAN! (Quickly decompensating) What you don’t realize is that Donovan is making you all this money and all you do is write a bunch of crap about him. He hasn’t won a game in ten months! He says Black quarterbacks get more criticism for a reason because all you people want is MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE. (Raving) LEAVE HIM ALONE! You are lucky he even plays for you BASTARDS! LEEEAVE DONOVAN ALLLLLONE!…Please…he’s just having a hard time right now…leave Donovan McNabb alone. Right now. I mean it. Anyone that has a problem with him, you deal with me beacuse he is not well right now. Leave him alone!
And scene.
It would be the funniest damn thing ever, surely funnier than the legion of “Leave Britney Alone” parodies already out there.
That’s it. I’m officially removing our $20 contribution to Kissing Suzy Kolber’s Tom Brady bounty and offering it to T.O. for this “Leave Donovan Alone” parody.
Please, T.O., do it. You gotta have a webcam and internet access. What the hell else are you doing? You don’t even go to practice…or film study…
Do it for Donovan.
Do it for yourself.
Do it for humanity.
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