Posted by | Madison | in News

Roger [Better be] Goodell[else I’ll supsend your ass] has determined that the Patriots violated league rules when one of their employees videotaped the Jets defensive sideline this past Sunday at the Meadowlands. 

In a press conference, Machiavellichick (see poll below) pulled a Jason Giambi and apologized to Goodell and “everyone who has been affected” without saying exactly what it he was apologizing for.  The only thing that came to light was that Machiavellichick apparently had an unusual interpretation of the rules. 

Can you imagine that conversation?

RG: Bill, you can’t videotape opposing coaches.  That’s against the rules. 

BB: I didn’t videotape anybody. 

RG: A member of your staff did.

BB: Suspend him.

RG: He said you told him to.

BB: I tell him a lot of things.  Last year, I told him to buy me a suit, I like the way that Nolan and del Rio look on the sideline, but did he?  No and I’m still in this ratty hoody.  I want to like the way I look but I can’t get to Men’s Wearhouse, Roj.  I gotta gameplan.

RG: Bill, the game operations manual states that “no video recording devices of any kind are permitted to be in use in the coaches’ booth, on the field, or in the locker room during the game” and “all video shooting locations must be enclosed on all sides with a roof overhead.” 

BB: I guess it depends on what you call a “shooting location.”  I understand that to be a camera.  The inside of it.  It’s where the shooting takes place.  And the innards of the camera are enclosed on all sides with a roof of sorts overhead.  I see that you are going with a more “traditional” definition of “shooting location.”

RG: Bill, we can differ on the semantics –

BB: I went to Wesleyan, Rog, so don’t fuck with me.  I can throw around big words too.

RG: — but the –

BB: Stochastic –

RG: — taping of –

BB: Obloquy –

RG: — any signals –

BB: Bagatelle –

RG: — is prohibited.

BB: OHNOYOUDIDN’T!

RG: What?

BB: I can’t hear you.  I’ve plugged my ears.

Goodell is dropping the hammer on Friday.  Folks are reporting that he might be docking the Patriots multiple draft picks over multiple years.  Was it Thomas Jefferson or Roger Goodell who said that ”The tree of the NFL  must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of Patriots and tyrants”? 

Anyway, we can’t decide what Bill Belichick’s new nickname should be.  I like Machiavellichick as it rolls off the tongue but MachiaBelichick actually incorporates his last name.  And since this is SignalGate, we could simply call him Tricky Bill.  So, we’re gonna put it to you.