Posted by | Madison | in Super Bowl

Here’s the moment - the very moment - Eli Manning became a man and skeeted all over the Patriots.  I’ve been watching it like porn.

The crazy thing is that we’re all going to remember David Tyree’s catch but let’s not forget that in order for Tyree to make the catch, Eli had to slither out of a sure sack, keep his wits, roll out, and gun it down field.

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Posted by | Madison | in Super Bowl

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OH MY FUCKING GOD - THE GIANTS WIN THE SUPER BOWL, THE GIANTS WIN THE SUPER BOWL!

ELI MANNING SAYS, “ATARI, YOU PATRIOT BITCHES!!”

I KNEW THAT BEING THE TEAM CAPTAIN OF THE HATRIOTS WOULD FINALLY PAY OFF.

Okay, enough with the caps lock. This should go to prove once and for all that cheaters never win and you should never, ever rest your players going into the playoffs.

Eat that Patriot fans.

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Posted by | Alikat | in Weekly Picks

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I know I’ve been AWOL the past 2 weeks. I guess I’ve just been nursing a badly broken heart caused by my MAN Brett Favre not getting to face the Super Patriots this Sunday. I really thought there was no way in hell that the Packers would lose to the Giants on that Bitch of a Freeze day in Green Bay. I’m still asking myself how Brett made that last throw after avoiding that kind of decision making the whole year. I’ll be honest with you all, I can’t stand the Giants and Eli Manning. Eli looks like that Dufus Kid in High School with athletic abilities who drooled when they fell asleep in English Composition or passed out shortly before 1am at the Homecoming Football party just as the Queen arrived to give the QB a Victory Gift BJ! I have been waiting for midnight to strike so we can get back to the Eli I know and love that throws interceptions at just the wrong moment and has trouble looking like a leader of MEN when he’s getting pressure up the middle. The rest of the Giants don’t seem to understand that the rest of the country wouldn’t be talking about them if Cowboy WR Patrick Clayton catches 2 passes in their meeting in Dallas a few weeks ago. They were dead in the water that game and all of a sudden they are in the Super Bowl.

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The Patriots come into town with the whole ‘Spygate’ thing being turned into the ‘Warren Commision’. Doesn’t Arlen Spector, shown above, have better things to worry about (like finding out more dirt on the Bush Administration) than some Football Dynasty doing some extra ‘Scouting work’ on there opponents. I mean really? Go straighten out the desperate Job Situation in Western, P.A. before you jerk off to tapes of NFL practices made by some video hack fresh out of Grad School. So what if the Patriots cheated a little, who in this league doesn’t. They are all basically Used Car Salesman with much better bank accounts. It’s just pissing everybody off that the Patriot players actually know how to take information from the video room to the playing field and come up with Victories!

In terms of the game itself tomorrow I like the fact that the weather will be reasonable for a change. This will mean the Pats will probably get back to more of their 4-5 WR sets with Brady flinging the ball all over the Giants secondary. This is the one area which is a clear mismatch and one the Pats will take advantage of very often tomorrow. The only way I can see the Giants covering up for that is by getting a great pass rush, which they are capable of doing. The Pats O-Line has been excellent all year with the exception of a game or two and I don’t see them letting their Cover Boy QB get knocked around while the whole world is watching. I think Randy Moss is going to come back with a couple of TD’s tomorrow and make a play or two that will be highlight worthy.

When it comes down to coaching you gotta love the Belichek factor. He is almost impossible to beat when given 2 weeks to prepare for a team. I also think the fact that these two squads just saw each other favors the Pats more so than the Giants. Belichek and Co. are not going to let Eli Manning sling the ball around like he did in N.Y. I expect the Pats to get a couple of picks in this game, one of which being a HUGE INT at just the right ELI Time! It is true that the Giants may be able to run the ball on the Pats. After all the Pats linebacking core are getting up there in age and have been showing signs of fatigue as the season has progressed. If the Giants can get on a roll running the ball, this game could stay close with the 4th quarter being a grand finale. In the end though I see the Patriots pulling away from the Giants in the late 1st half or early 3rd quarter and winning this in a mini-blowout. The only way I see the Giants with a chance to Win the game straight up is for them to get an early kickoff return or Brady int. return for a touchdown and then for a costly injury or just a one in a million performance from RB Bradshaw or Jacobs coupled with a complete meltdown in the Patriot D-Line. In other words I just don’t see it happening.

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The point spread on this game is currently at -12 for the Pats. I don’t think taking the Giants is such a ‘Crazy Bet’, as anytime you are getting that many points in an NFL game you are going to be on the winning side more times than not, but tomorrow I just feel a ‘Mini BlowOut’ coming from that cute little cover boy who was asking early in the week, “Why such a low score for our offense Plax?” “Is Plax playing Defense?”. That prediction of a 23-17 Giants victory by Plaxico Burress in which he didn’t show enough respect for Brady and the Pat offense may not mean much to other teams or players in this day and age, but to a former 6th round pick who everybody at some point along the way has said isn’t enough is just the kind of thing Tom Brady will use to match Joe Montana with 4 Super Bowl Rings and crown himself “The Best QB Ever”!

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FINAL SCORE- Patriots 38 Giants 20

TAKE THE PATRIOTS -12

Have a great Super Sunday tomorrow and remember to call a Cab if your Drunk and PLEASE NO VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN WHETHER THEY BE GIRLFRIENDS OR WIVES. Bet smart and don’t try and make a year’s worth of money on one fucking game! We’ll all have plenty of time to make more money next fall!

Bet Ya–

ALIKAT

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Posted by | Madison | in Super Bowl

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Relax, we’re not dead.  Though I’m not exactly sure where Alikat is.   I lost track of her sometime during the championship Sunday afterparty and then promptly lost track of myself for the next week wherein the operative phrase was “partied some more.” 

I think I heard something about Tom Brady in a walking boot, and I partied some more.

Tom Brady didn’t practice all week and I partied some more. 

The Giants spent an extra day in New York to go over their Super Bowl offense and I partied some more.

And though I have re-emerged, I am a little scared to blog about the Super Bowl for fear of jinxing my team.  It’s an odd little bind to be in.  For most of the season, I kind of cut a greatest hits EP of trashing my favorite team:

1. Tom Coughlin Saved His Job With a Shitty Win

2. Eli Manning’s Downward Spiral

3. We’re Not Crazy, We’re Just a Little Unfocused

4. Fat Backup in a Little Coat

I credit my trash blogging, including this famous post, for getting Big Blue to this point (and all those little things like executing plays, heart, and shit like that). 

Seriously, Steve Tisch, this past season was my audition for team motivational speaker.     

But now, the question is, do I stop?  Do I stop making fun of Eli Manning?  Do I stop calling out their liabilities so that they will change them?  I don’t want to be known as a negative Nellie and I want to be able to enjoy the fact that my team is in the Super Bowl.  But if I lay off Big Blue, will that make them lose on Sunday?  That’s a responsibility that I just couldn’t stand to bear…particularly if they should lose. 

Argh.  Frustrating.

Anyway, here’s a cool little tidbit:  for all you fuckers who get down on Eli for not being a big game player (me included), it turns out that he actually kind of is a big game QB.  This article suggest that Eli plays up or down to his competition. 

A comparative look at Manning’s passer ratings this season indicates a special intangible: He gets psyched for big-time competition and tends to play poorly against the NFL’s lesser teams. For example, Manning’s passer rating in the season-opening loss to Dallas was 113.1. His rating in that epic season finale against the Patriots at the Meadowlands, a 38-35 loss in which the Giants squander a 28-16 third-quarter lead, was 118.6.

Against the Dolphins in Week 8, Manning completed only 8 of 22 passes and didn’t throw a touchdown, giving him a 44.9 rating.

In his last four games, Manning has thrown eight touchdowns and one interception. He was clean in the frigid NFC Championship Game victory at Green Bay, throwing no interceptions and not fumbling.
     

   

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Posted by | Madison | in Weekly Recaps, Playoffs

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If I was partying like a 20-year old co-ed on spring break last week, I’m not sure how to describe what happened last night. Here’s what I remember:

The Chargers played the Patriots hard. They had their opportunities. Four times into the red zone and they came away with four field goals. Early in the game, the field goals made sense but in the second half, on those 4th-and-1’s near the goal line, the Chargers should have to gone for it. You can’t expect to stay close to the Patriots in hopes of sneaking by them at the end. In all of their close games, the Patriots have shown an uncanny ability to close games out. The only way to not get closed out on the losing end is to be ahead by a touchdown or two. This, if nothing else, is crystal clear proof that Norv Turner disease is still uncured and still terribly deadly. I assert that if Turner had played with some stones, the Chargers would have pulled off the upset of the century.

And then, in what might have been the Game of the Century, THE GIANTS WON THE NFC CHAMPIONSHIP AND ARE IN THE SUPER BOWL! This has gone way better than I predicted.

What a great game, that swung back and forth, all the way into overtime. The emotional swings - holy crap - I almost chewed a hole in my Jason Sehorn (hotness!) jersey by the middle of the 4th quarter.

Suffice it to say, Big Blue was the better team on that cold ass field yesterday. They moved the ball efficiently against a good Green Bay defense and while they didn’t always come away with points, they made catches when they had to and didn’t make the dumb mental errors that they’ve always been known for.

Like a good boy, Eli kept his manhood at second base and didn’t try to do too much. Thank god.

Manhood awaits, Eli. Don’t rush it. Don’t too eager at third base and then on your way to home plate, keep it slow and steady. I know the buildup will make you crazy but stay within yourself. I don’t know if your dad, Coop, or Peyton have told you but it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion in the ocean.

When it finally happens and you attain your manhood when you lead The Giants to beat the Patriots 26-21 in the Super Bowl in two weeks, you will have earned the manly right to scream, “Atari, bitches! Skeet, skeet, skeet, skeet!

Anyway, if I acted inappropriately to any guys or Packer fans last night, I apologize. I’m not myself when THE GIANTS MAKE IT INTO THE SUPER BOWL!

Now back to sleep to nurse this nasty hangover…

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Posted by | Madison | in Playoffs

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I had plans to write previews of each team leading up to tomorrow’s game but I just couldn’t decide which angle to take.  First, I don’t find anything interesting about the Chargers getting rolled by the Patriots and second, I just can’t get my hopes up for a Giants victory tomorrow.

As a fan and a bloggerix, this puts me in a bind, and being the avoidant coper that I am, that’s why there was radio silence from me through the week.  But alas, I will do my best but it’s only because I know you all depend on me.

San Diego at New England: The Bolts’ surprising run in the playoffs has even turned the O.G. Norv Turner hater, writing that he owes Turner an apology.  Pussy.   Just because you had The Clap and you took care of it shouldn’t excuse your risky, hooker ass behavior for contracting The Clap.

So while the conventional wisdom on Norval has shifted because he’s in the Championship game, Norv is useless in my book.  He inherited a very talented team, took them to the brink of disaster, was blessed to play in a weak division, played a weak Wild Card opponent, was blessed - again - to play the Choking Colts in the Divisional Round, and has now made it one game away from the Super Bowl not because of him but in spite of him.

Dumb fucking luck.

And, as the captain of the Hatetriots, dumb fucking luck is exactly what I am hoping will strike on Sunday and lift the Chargers to the Super Bowl.

Can you imagine it?  Norv Turner.  Fucking Patient Zero for the Coaching STD, leading Billy Volek, Michael Turner, and a dinged up crew into Gillette Stadium and beating Bill Belichick, and his football playing savants.  Massachusetts just might spontaneously explode.

If you are a moral person, you will be rooting for the Chargers on Sunday.

Prediction: Chargers 28, Patriots 27

New York Giants at Green Bay:  I’m sort of stuck in a bind here.  I, of course, want the Giants in the Super Bowl but I think that the Packers match up better to beat the Patriots if they actually are able to muster the giddy-up to roll the Chargers in the early game.  Plus, I don’t want my Giants to have the dubious distinction of being the team that lost to the Pats for their 16th win AND also lose to the Pats for their 19th win.

This has sort of been a dream season for us: Championship game, Eli has graduated into being a fairly decent game manager, the running game and the pass rush are both solid and I don’t want to see it end.

However, I think there is a moral responsibility for a team to beat the Patriots.  Now maybe, maybe the Giants will be able to do it.  They almost did it once.  But for me, that’s a little too much to chance.  You see, I’m a little too scarred from the 2001 Super Bowl when Big Blue lost to the Ravens.  I had to go into rehab.

So, depending on who wins the early game, I’ll either be rooting for the Giants or the Packers.  I know, it’s mercenary of me.  How can I be a true fan, you ask?

You spend a week in a strait jacket in the lady’s wing of the Mid-Hudson Mental Hygiene Center and you’ll catch my drift.

Too soon…too soon.

Prediction: If the Bolts win - Giants 31, Packers 28; If the Pats win - Giants 31, Packers 35 

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Posted by | Alikat | in Weekly Picks

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I know, I know. I wasn’t very good last weekend going 1-3 ATS though I did think the Pack had a chance to blow out the Seahawks. The only pick coming through for us was the Giants! That was a great game and you all should have seen how much pacing Madison was doing the last 6 minutes of that affair. If it had not been for that missed field goal by Gotkowski the Pats would have covered. Where is Adam Vinaterri when you need him? So for the record we are an even 4-4 for the playoffs with only 3 games left. Vegas is really inflating the lines this year in the playoffs as this week we see the Pack open up at -7 and the Pats open at -14.5. I must say I went out and grabbed the Pack at -6.5 on Sunday night right after the lines came out. I’m glad I did that as now it is -7.5 and getting more and more expensive as the week goes on. The Pats came down to -13.5 and then with the news about Phillip Rivers it went up again to -14. Here’s a little breakdown of the games and the picks.

Giants +7.5 @ Packers

As I said earlier I took the Pack at -6.5. I like them at that line but nothing over. It’s going to be cold in Green Bay on Sunday with the temperature hovering around a very HOT 5 degrees and that doesn’t include the windchill. Eli will have a tough time of it in the cold as he always has and I believe the Giants DREAM Playoff Run has and will run out of gas! Their secondary is just too beat up to contend with all the weapons Favre has at his disposal and the Packers O-Line is one of the best in the NFL when it comes to protection. Favre hasn’t hung around the past few years to be this close to another Super Bowl trip and lose to a Manning, let alone Eli. Eli has been wonderful the past 3 games, but all good things come to an end. The Packers have a much better secondary than both the Bucs and the Cowboys. They HIT people back there and Al Harris is as good as anyone in one on one coverage. The Pack D-Line will get after Eli and force some bad throws early leading to a couple of short fields for Favre and Gant. I must say that I don’t think taking the Giants at +7.5 would be a bad bet at all, in fact there might be more value in that than the Packers at -7 and -120, but in the end I just think there will be too much offense from the Packers. The wear and tear of the last 2 road games played by the Giants will result in Big Plays given up by the Giants D come the second half and the Pack will come out on top by 10 points!

TAKE THE PACK -7! If it’s too expensive to buy down the 1/2 point from -7.5 then I would just pass on this game unless you are a TRUE GIANTS BELIEVER!

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Chargers +14 @ Patriots

The Chargers roll into the AFC Title Game all banged up in Key positions. Rivers, L.T., and Gates are all screwed up. Despite all of them being tough and wanting to take this team to the Super Bowl they just won’t be nearly as effective as they would be if healthy. You can be assured the Pats will look to get in a few Good Licks on all of them when they start out on the field in the 1st quarter. I don’t expect Rivers to last more than 2 quarters at the very most and L.T. just won’t have the pop he needs to beat the Pats for long runs. By the way– Is it just me or is L.T. kinda over rated when it comes to the playoffs and HUGE games. He’s actually becoming a pretty inconsistent RB in my opinion.

The Patriots just have too many weapons for the Mentally Weak Chargers to defend. The Bolts are Mentally Weak and it will show up in this game at very key moments. The fact that they have already talked a little trash for this game goes to show you why the Pats and not the Bolts are on their way towards their 4 Super Bowl. Charger players like to think that kind of stuff gets lost after a few series in a game, but it doesn’t with the Pats. The Pats are a lot like Tony Soprano. When somebody says something about them that they don’t like or quite understand it broods in them for hours or days until finally they BLOW UP against that person and take their due revenge! This will happen Sunday as the Pats start to throw their weight around in the early 3rd quarter and go on to face the Pack in the Super Bowl.

TAKE THE PATS -13.5. Buy down the 1/2 point from 14.

So there it is sports betting freaks. Go out and enjoy the games tomorrow. I always have liked this day more than the Super Bowl to be honest with you!

Bet Ya–

ALIKAT

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